Photograph by Al Drago / NYT / Redux
WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—In
a freewheeling conversation with reporters after his departure from the
State Department on Tuesday, Rex Tillerson said that he “really hopes”
that Donald Trump finds out that he is being impeached on Twitter.
“I mean, the way I see it playing out, he’s up at 3 A.M.,
starting a new feud with Oprah or someone, and that’s when he finds
out,” Tillerson said. “My only regret is that I won’t be there to see
Tillerson started laughing in what some
witnesses described as a demonic manner as he imagined Trump learning
of his impeachment on Twitter.
“I mean, you have
to picture him with his BlackBerry in his itty-bitty hands, and that’s
how he finds out,” Tillerson cackled. “It would serve the bastard
Composing himself, Tillerson added, “Let
me make something clear. I’ve done well for myself. I’ve lived a full
life and, by any measure, a successful one. But, if there’s one last
thing I have on my bucket list, it’s that Donald Trump finds out he’s
being shitcanned on Twitter. I mean, you want to talk about sweet.”
Andy Borowitz is the New York Times best-selling author of “The 50 Funniest American Writers,” and a comedian who has written for The New Yorker since 1998. He writes the Borowitz Report, a satirical column on the news, for newyorker.com.