Obituary of the Pillsbury Doughboy

                            Please join me in remembering a
                            great icon.  Veteran Pillsbury
                            spokesperson, The Pillsbury
                            Doughboy, died yesterday of a
                            severe yeast infection and
                            complications from repeated pokes
                            to the belly.  He was 71.  Doughboy
                            was buried in a slightly greased
                            coffin.  Dozens of celebrities turned
                            out, including Mrs. Butterworth, the
                            California Raisins, Hungry Jack,
                            Betty Crocker, the Hostess Twinkies,
                            Captain Crunch and many others.

                            The graveside was piled high with
                            flours as long-time friend,
                            Aunt Jemima, delivered the eulogy,
                            describing Doughboy as a man who
                            "never knew how much he was

                            Doughboy rose quickly in show
                            business, but his later life was
                            filled with many turnovers. He
                            was not considered a very smart
                            cookie, wasting much of his dough
                            on half-baked schemes.

                            Despite being a little flaky at times,
                            even as a crusty old man, he was
                            still considered a roll model for

                            Toward the end it was thought he'd
                            rise once again, but he was no tart.

                            Doughboy is survived by his second
                            wife, Play Dough.  They have two
                            children and one in the oven. The
                            funeral was held at 3:50 for about
                            20 minutes.

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